Is it really collared shirts that make the man

So the "ball and chain" (j.k. - Love Ya Honey!) and I are driving down the road the other day and we come upon this ragtop Jeep with a Harley sticker and a NASCAR sticker on its rear. The B&C says "you all could be twins". As we get up next to this guy I look over and the first thing to go through my mind is "what an complete redneck". (Was that bad of me? Was I stereotyping?). So I say to the 'ole B&C "well at least I don't look like that, he's a real redneck." To which she responds "you look just like that." She proceeds to point out that he has a NASCAR baseball hat on, sunglasses appropriately balanced on the brim. Sleeveless shirt with requsit tattoo showing, etc.

DEVASTATING (not that there is anything wrong with being a redneck I just never really thought I gave off the redneck vibe). We were on our way to breakfast so we continued this redneck discussion through our meal. Every person that walked by we evaluated on the redneck scale and what I noticed is that all the guys that she thought were NOT rednecks had collared polos, khaki cargo shorts and some fancy brand of flip flop (not the cheap rubber kind you get at Wal*Mart). My off hours attire tends toward tee shirts, usually with some logo on them. As soon as I dropped her off back at the ranch I made a beeline for the outlets to get as many polo shirts as I could. I didn't buy any shorts as I am hoping the waistline reduces dramaticlly here soon and besides, I already own 3 pairs of cargo shorts (1 grey, 2 khaki). Sorry, but NO WAY am I going to wear flip flops. Now I have enough polos that I am retiring most of my collection of Harley t-shirts.

But all of this got me thinking, what really is a redneck? What makes one a redneck or not? So here goes, me in a nutshell and you can decide for yourself, Redneck or No Redneck.

I love country music. If you told me I was going to a deserted island and I had to take just one album (I know I am dating myself there) I would probably take one from Garth Brooks, Kenny Chesney or Toby Keith. But I also like late 60's music (The Doors, Motown). I like classic rock (Aerosmith). I like blues (Keb Mo'). I'd say I have quite a diverse taste in music (ask the poker gang) but country is certainly the first choice.

I ride a Harley. Second to my wife and kids I love my Harley more than just about anything in this world. There is nothing better than taking off for the mountains on a cool Sept afternoon and getting 4-5 hours in the saddle. Might be better than sex (can't do that for 4-5 hours).

I bowl. I watch NASCAR (religiously). I play on a billiards team.

I have a tattoo. But its not on my ass, its hidden when I am at work and its a tribute to my deceased uncle who committed suicide and I happened to be the one that found him (BTW, he died 3 years ago Sunday, I miss my Uncle Bill).

I am a gun nut...uuummm... supporter of our 2nd amendment rights. (I really hate it when the liberal media describes law abiding gun owners as "nuts".)

I've never lived in a home that was or could be mobile. I never had nor thought about sexual relations with any family member or animal. I know the nut cracker is not something you do off the high dive (its those red statues my wife puts out at Xmas right?). I've never skinned an animal (or even hunted one for that matter). I've never been to a Ho' Down (though I have been to a rodeo). I know Taco Bell is not the Mexican phone company. There is no rebel flag anywhere in my home. My school fight song was not "Dueling Banjos" (close, I think it was Freebird). All of my cars are in working order and have current registration. I've never said "Hey fellas watch this" and ended up in the hospital.

So what makes a redneck? And do I qualify? But most importantly should I care? I am happy, healthy, have a wonderful family (sorry about that ball and chain comment again Hun) and really don't think I would change one thing about my life.

Good thing I kept the receipt for those polos as I just drug all the t-shirts back out. Time to git to bowling and I really hope Jeff Gordon wins the Sprint Cup this year.

Excuses..More Excuses

They've started already. The excuses. The delays. NOT EVEN STARTED YET and I am already backpedaling. I have decided to move the start date of the new healthier me program to the Tuesday after Labor Day. I just know that weekend will be a blow out and I will fall off. I can see it now, go to the neighborhood BBQ. SW reaches into the cooler and goes to hand me a beer. I politely decline saying I am trying to be more healthy. He promptly calls me a pussy. Then he chucks the beer to me and I send it back saying "No Thanks". He then will ask why my panties are in such a wad and shout at the top of his lungs "FBG is a WUSS!". At which point I will snatch the beer from him and promptly chug all 12 wonderfully cool ounces.

So knowing that all this will happen I have decided to make Labor Day weekend my "Coming Out Party" weekend. One last blow out. Ok..its an excuse but I LIKE IT. Don't hate.

Time to Get Off the Pot

There was always this strange saying in my family when I was growing up. "It's time to poop and get off the pot." Not exactly sure what it really means but I took it to mean that it was time to do your business and move forward. Make progress. So it's time for me to poop..and make progress. As I mentioned in my last entry I am somewhat overweight. Each passing day I feel worse. Clothes get tighter. I feel more fatigued. Just an overall sense of not being happy with my weight.

So I have made my decision to make a trial run at being healthier and it scares the crap out of me. I worry that I will quit. Its so much easier to go to McDonald's everyday for my morning iced coffee and Egg McMuffin. That's a nice healthy start of 500 calories, 108 calories in that Egg McMuffin from FAT. This is not a muse (read:rant) on McDonald's. I think over my 45+ years I have been a significant contributor to their stock price. This is a rant on my own unhealthy choices. Just like guns don't kill people, people kill people; McDonald's is not killing me, my own choices are killing me. (Later you'll get my rant on gun ownership but that is for another entry).

On August 31st I will officially begin a structured six week eating program designed by Dr. Joel Fuhrman called Eat To Live (website; book). Its basically a vegan (no animal products) eating program. It was used successfully by singer Alanis Morissette to lose 20 pounds.


I think she's hot so maybe I can achieve hot as well (ok..maybe not but its worth a try). A guy has to have something to work towards.

The good Dr. Fuhrman says this eating program will help your body get to its ideal weight. Here we go, one ideal weight coming up. Watch this spot for daily (maybe every other day; maybe weekly; maybe never) reports of my progress. I'd better get shopping. Hello Whole Foods.

Day One - Why Me!

Blogging. Not sure I get it but here we go. I thought I'd jump into another one of those "new media" things I keep hearing about. I know, I'm late to the blog party. I guess I went backwards. First I tried Twitter. Last night I finally added myself to Facebook. Now blogging. Oh God what's next? I really hope its not my own porn site. Believe me, no one wants to see that, or me..naked..half naked..partially naked..ok fine, I need to remain in long pants, long sleeve shirt, sweater and duster so that I cover every part of my blanched, rotund self.

So why blog? I don't know. Thanks for coming!

No really, why blog? I guess to truly answer that question you need to know a little bit about me. I am a male in my mid 40's. Married, children, cats, dog, fish, good job, lousy commute, bald( been that since early 20's) and increasingly FAT.

Got on the scale yesterday and I am now the heaviest I have ever been. I am 6'3" and 228 lbs. Now some of you may say FAT? Come on! No really. I should be around 180 lbs so I thought I would start this blog as a way of "motivating" myself to drop those extra lbs. Nothing like advertising to the world your desires. Peer pressure is always a good motivator.

In addition to writing about my progress toward a more healthier me, I might also use this space to muse (read: rant) about things that are just swimming around in my cranium from time to time. Don't know exactly what those will be but there will probably be rantings, I mean musings, about bad drivers, jaywalkers, how bad the Redskins suck and of course fat people.

If you're the one person reading this, thanks for stopping by. Drop me an email at doug@dcfitness.com and let me know what you'd like to see me rant about.