What if today I told you I was going to die?
Would you cry? Most certainly you would. I would not have cried yet so seeing you in tears would fill me with such heartache that I myself would cry. You would get up from your chair, walk around the table and sit on my lap. You'd want to hold me. And you'd want me to hold you. And together we would cry. For me it would not be long but it would be deep. I'm not sure you will ever stop crying.
Would you feel like someone punched you in the gut? Or would it just be a tremendous hole where once beat your heart. I know your knees are weak and you want to remain sitting. All you can do is feel. There is no thought. No planning. No wondering about your future. Right now its all about loss and that feeling that the world is closing in on you and you can't get it to stop. But not for me.
My first thoughts will not be of my impeding demise but of the future. My future. Our future. But what about your future? What will your life be like when I am no longer here? And more importantly, what do I need to do with my time remaining to make sure your future is secure? I will feel that I've let you down, disappointed you. And then I will get angry, at myself.
I will be angry because I didn't spend enough time with you. I will be angry because there were times that I disappointed you. I will be angry because there were times that I hurt you. Most of all I will be angry because I will not be there for you when you need me. I will be angry because my shoulder will not be there when you need to cry. I will be angry because my arms will not be there when you need to be held. And I will be angry because I will need time.
I will need time alone to process all this. I will need to have my emotional time, alone. And this will make you hurt. You won't understand why I need to do this myself. I know that and again I am angry. But this is what I will need. Not long. And when I come back I will be ready.
I will be ready for what the future holds. I will be ready to live life like I should have. I will wonder why we didn't live every minute like it was the last.
Why does it take dying to learn how to live?
What if today I told you I was going to die?
Friday, May 10, 2013
Friday, October 23, 2009
It's a wrap! (At least the 1st 6 weeks)
It's a wrap. Put a fork in me. Fin-nee. Finished. Done. Cooked. The first six weeks of my minor human experiment is over. For the past six weeks I have tried to eat as clean as possible. By clean I mean close to the source. It was mostly raw foods and most of the cooked foods I ate were veggies of some sort. I was originally motivated to seek a different lifestyle because I had "ballooned" up to 235. I was feeling very uncomfortable and swore I would not buy another set of clothes that were just one size bigger.
I came across a book called Eat To Live that discussed mainly a plant based diet being one that could get you to your body's "normal" weight. I then read a book called The China Study. The China Study was written by a scientist who had grown up on a farm eating the traditional SAD (standard American diet). He went on in later life to complete a 20 year study of health and dietary patterns among different villages in China. The conclusion he came to was that those that ate the traditional western diet (protein from meat) contracted and were dying from the typical western diseases (heart disease, cancer, diabetes, etc.) Yet those that ate a plant based diet were not dying of these diseases and were living longer and healthier lives.
So with my desire to lose weight and the facts presented in The China Study I decided to embark on a plant based eating regime. On the Tuesday morning I began my program I weighed in at 228lbs. This past Tuesday when I weighed in after 6 weeks on the program I was down to 212lbs. In the span of a short six weeks I was able to easily remove 16lbs of unwanted mass. That's a very healthy loss of over 2 1/2 lbs a week.
I am taking this week "off". That does not mean I am going out and gorging on steak and burgers and french fries and pizza and (crap I'm getting hungry). What this means is no measurements this week. I am still eating clean. Starting next week I will be introducing an exercise program in combination with my eating program. I will do this for six weeks and again track my results here on this blog.
I've thought about a 3rd 6 week segment where I would go back to my normal eating and just do exercise. The reason I am thinking about doing this is I have this inkling in the back of my head (I know, not a big thought as I am generally incapable of those) that our societies obesity problem stems almost exclusively from a horrible diet. I've had many folks tell me you can eat whatever you want as long as you exercise. Not sure this is correct. Well, we'll see where this next six weeks leads me.
One thing that has bothered me over these past six weeks is a perceived lack of protein. I have been eating a lot of beans, nuts, etc but I just don't feel like there is enough protein in my diet. Its hard to eat enough plant material to get enough calories and protein. I will say other than the weight loss there have not been a lot of other noticeable changes. I don't "feel" any different. I still feel tired a lot, but that could be contributed to the fact that I rise before 5:00am every morning. Traffic sucks in my area so I have to get on the road so I don't have a 3 hour commute. I am getting between 7-8 hours of sleep so its not a lack of sleep I just think my body has never adjusted to getting up so early. I guess its good I was not born a farmer.
6 weeks down. Another 6 to go. Stay tuned.
Tale of the Tape
weight - 212.4 (down 3 lbs)
fat% - 29.7
BMI remained steady at 27 (goal is under 24)
Just for Today I will relax and revel in the progress I have made and dream about the progress yet to come.
I came across a book called Eat To Live that discussed mainly a plant based diet being one that could get you to your body's "normal" weight. I then read a book called The China Study. The China Study was written by a scientist who had grown up on a farm eating the traditional SAD (standard American diet). He went on in later life to complete a 20 year study of health and dietary patterns among different villages in China. The conclusion he came to was that those that ate the traditional western diet (protein from meat) contracted and were dying from the typical western diseases (heart disease, cancer, diabetes, etc.) Yet those that ate a plant based diet were not dying of these diseases and were living longer and healthier lives.
So with my desire to lose weight and the facts presented in The China Study I decided to embark on a plant based eating regime. On the Tuesday morning I began my program I weighed in at 228lbs. This past Tuesday when I weighed in after 6 weeks on the program I was down to 212lbs. In the span of a short six weeks I was able to easily remove 16lbs of unwanted mass. That's a very healthy loss of over 2 1/2 lbs a week.
I am taking this week "off". That does not mean I am going out and gorging on steak and burgers and french fries and pizza and (crap I'm getting hungry). What this means is no measurements this week. I am still eating clean. Starting next week I will be introducing an exercise program in combination with my eating program. I will do this for six weeks and again track my results here on this blog.
I've thought about a 3rd 6 week segment where I would go back to my normal eating and just do exercise. The reason I am thinking about doing this is I have this inkling in the back of my head (I know, not a big thought as I am generally incapable of those) that our societies obesity problem stems almost exclusively from a horrible diet. I've had many folks tell me you can eat whatever you want as long as you exercise. Not sure this is correct. Well, we'll see where this next six weeks leads me.
One thing that has bothered me over these past six weeks is a perceived lack of protein. I have been eating a lot of beans, nuts, etc but I just don't feel like there is enough protein in my diet. Its hard to eat enough plant material to get enough calories and protein. I will say other than the weight loss there have not been a lot of other noticeable changes. I don't "feel" any different. I still feel tired a lot, but that could be contributed to the fact that I rise before 5:00am every morning. Traffic sucks in my area so I have to get on the road so I don't have a 3 hour commute. I am getting between 7-8 hours of sleep so its not a lack of sleep I just think my body has never adjusted to getting up so early. I guess its good I was not born a farmer.
6 weeks down. Another 6 to go. Stay tuned.
Tale of the Tape
weight - 212.4 (down 3 lbs)
fat% - 29.7
BMI remained steady at 27 (goal is under 24)
Just for Today I will relax and revel in the progress I have made and dream about the progress yet to come.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Short but sweet
Work. Ugh! These 14-15 hour days are going to be my demise. Because work has had me so wrapped up I have been unable to update my blog and let everyone know where I am with the weight loss. So here goes:
The past week was a good one. Back on the proverbial wagon (at least on the food part). When I weighed in on Tuesday morning I had lost back all the weight I had added the week before. I am now through 5 full weeks. One more to go before I switch gears and add exercise to the new eating.
Once again, ugh. Wondering when I am going to have time to get in some exercise. I already rise at 4:30 am so I don't have to sit in two hours of traffic. I guess I am going to have to dedicate my lunch hour to working out. I just can't work out at night. I get too wound up and can't sleep.
Speaking of sleep, can I tell you how much I love Roserem? I forgot what its like to mostly sleep through the night. Haven't met Abe or the talking ground hog yet but boy am I trying. Sleep problems will have to wait for another blog entry.
Back to our regularly scheduled programming..
As of Tuesday 10/13
Tale of the Tape
weight - 215.4 (down 2.6 lbs)
fat% - 30.1
BMI remained steady at 27 (goal is under 24)
Just for today I will tell those closest to me how much I love them. For tomorrow while my feelings won't have changed, they may not be here to tell.
The past week was a good one. Back on the proverbial wagon (at least on the food part). When I weighed in on Tuesday morning I had lost back all the weight I had added the week before. I am now through 5 full weeks. One more to go before I switch gears and add exercise to the new eating.
Once again, ugh. Wondering when I am going to have time to get in some exercise. I already rise at 4:30 am so I don't have to sit in two hours of traffic. I guess I am going to have to dedicate my lunch hour to working out. I just can't work out at night. I get too wound up and can't sleep.
Speaking of sleep, can I tell you how much I love Roserem? I forgot what its like to mostly sleep through the night. Haven't met Abe or the talking ground hog yet but boy am I trying. Sleep problems will have to wait for another blog entry.Back to our regularly scheduled programming..
As of Tuesday 10/13
Tale of the Tape
weight - 215.4 (down 2.6 lbs)
fat% - 30.1
BMI remained steady at 27 (goal is under 24)
Just for today I will tell those closest to me how much I love them. For tomorrow while my feelings won't have changed, they may not be here to tell.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Wrong Direction
The title says Wrong Direction, not wrong directionS. Wrong directions would be what my wife follows (but she's doing a lot better with the help of modern technology; gotta love the GPS). Wrong direction is the way I headed this past week. Its amazing how one weekend (ok 3 days) can just throw the train completely off track. Not only did I fall off the wagon but the wagon backed up and ran me over. And then because it wasn't sure what happened it pulled forward to run me over one more time. Bottom line is I was bad on Friday, Saturday and Sunday and it contributed to my first week of weight GAIN since being on my new eating regime. In fact I erased a whole week of work in just 3 short days (see tale of the tape below).
There were two contributing factors to my less than stellar weekend. I was out of town volunteering as a corner worker for 3 wonderful days of Porsche races. The cars were fast. The racing was close. The weather was beautiful and I was getting fatter. First issue was that I did not have many food choices as we were fed 3 meals a day by the track. Coffee and donuts. 2 hot dogs, chips and a soda. Pizza and.... see next paragraph. So you can see my food choices were not the most healthy. BUT, I could have planned better and taken much of my own food.
Next Paragraph
The true downfall this weekend was caused by (insert drum roll)................ FREE beer. As one who truly cherishes(ed) the consumption of fermented yeast and hops, you put the word FREE in front of it
and it becomes like a mothers arms to a baby... a donut to a cop... a text message to a teenager... a cheap hotel to a hooker...I just can't live without it. Its a must have. Free Beer! Are you kidding me?! Have sweeter words ever been spoken? You get the point. I drank too many beers (FREE beers) this weekend and it had a devastating effect on my weight loss. Ok, maybe devastating is a little harsh but it certainly sent me in the wrong direction.
Now I know how/why I was bad and I am hopefully back on the right course. Had my healthy servings of weeds these past two days and there is no beer in my refrigerator so I should be good (for now). Check back next week for the ongoing saga and see how I screw up this week.
Tale of the Tape
weight - 218 (UP 3 lbs)
fat% - 31
BMI remained steady at 27 (goal is under 24)
Just for Today I will let go of any expectations I have on the people to whom I owe amends.
There were two contributing factors to my less than stellar weekend. I was out of town volunteering as a corner worker for 3 wonderful days of Porsche races. The cars were fast. The racing was close. The weather was beautiful and I was getting fatter. First issue was that I did not have many food choices as we were fed 3 meals a day by the track. Coffee and donuts. 2 hot dogs, chips and a soda. Pizza and.... see next paragraph. So you can see my food choices were not the most healthy. BUT, I could have planned better and taken much of my own food.
Next Paragraph
The true downfall this weekend was caused by (insert drum roll)................ FREE beer. As one who truly cherishes(ed) the consumption of fermented yeast and hops, you put the word FREE in front of it
and it becomes like a mothers arms to a baby... a donut to a cop... a text message to a teenager... a cheap hotel to a hooker...I just can't live without it. Its a must have. Free Beer! Are you kidding me?! Have sweeter words ever been spoken? You get the point. I drank too many beers (FREE beers) this weekend and it had a devastating effect on my weight loss. Ok, maybe devastating is a little harsh but it certainly sent me in the wrong direction.Now I know how/why I was bad and I am hopefully back on the right course. Had my healthy servings of weeds these past two days and there is no beer in my refrigerator so I should be good (for now). Check back next week for the ongoing saga and see how I screw up this week.
Tale of the Tape
weight - 218 (UP 3 lbs)
fat% - 31
BMI remained steady at 27 (goal is under 24)
Just for Today I will let go of any expectations I have on the people to whom I owe amends.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
3 for 13
3 for 13. I sound like one of those late night hucksters "Order now and get 3 for 13. And if you call in the next ten minutes we'll throw in a years supply of pickled eggs". What the hell am I going to do with a years supply of pickled eggs? Besides, if I wanted a years supply of pickled eggs I would just run down to Costco. BTW, I do like me some pickled eggs. Reminds me of my grandfather. He used to make them fresh. Yummy!
Now we return you to your regularly scheduled program.
3 for 13. I have been on my new eating regime (not = diet) for 3 full weeks. Sorry that I missed posting last week about my week 3 experiences but life just took over. After 3 full weeks I am down 13 pounds. That's an average of just over 4 pounds per week. If I keep up this pace after my first 6 week experiment I should be down 26 pounds or just over 200 lbs total. I would be very happy with that. But I wonder if I am starting to plateau a bit in the weigh loss area. I lost 5 lbs in each of the first 2 weeks but this past week I only lost 2.6 lbs. Its natural that weight will come off quickly in the beginning, there will be a plateau and then start coming off again. Well, only time will tell. I just need to keep eating clean and let "nature" take it course.
I was a little bad over the weekend
too which probably helped contribute to not as much weight loss. Saturday night was poker night and just like one of Pavlov's Dogs I equate beer with poker. So I had beer while I played poker. The unfortunate thing is that I had a few more beers than I had intended. Not to the point of being inebriated (can't play good poker when mentally incapacitated) but enough to hit my diet somewhat. And this weekend is going to be real challenging as I am out of town working a car race for 3 days and I will have to rely on mainly the food they serve us. I will pack as much fresh fruit as I can which should help.
After 3 weeks I can say that eating an almost completely raw foods vegan diet has been very easy, much easier than I expected. I helps that I like salad and I add a lot of different things to my salads so they are not boring. Its funny though that I never realized how much meat really plays into the American diet. There have been several times that we have been out, away from the house, so I have had to find food at restaurants. Let me tell you, there is little to no vegetarian meals on most restaurant menus. Let's see, I can have chicken, burger, shrimp, fish, turkey, burger, chicken, fish, shrimp, or a house salad.
Speaking of having to eat out, yesterday I left my lunch sitting on the counter top at home so I had to buy lunch. I work in downtown Washington, DC and we are lucky to have a salad place called Chop'T. I went there and got their Vegetarian Powerhouse. $8.57! $8.57 for some lettuce, sliced apples and crasians. My god, the mark up they are making on that must be incredible. Now I see why Americans eat fast food. Its cheap. I can go to McDonalds and get a burger, fries and a soda for $4.00. When we are encouraged economically to eat like this its now wonder we have obesity problems in the US.
Tale of the Tape
Gonna have to post two weeks worth of measurements but you already know how I've done.
End of Week 2
weight - 218 (down 5.2lbs from the previous week)
fat% - 31.6 (down to 68.8lbs of fat)
BMI dropped to 27 (goal is under 24)
End of Week 3
weight - 215.4 (down 2.6lbs from the previous week)
fat% - 29.9 (down to 64.4lbs of fat)
BMI remained at 27 (goal is under 24)
Just For Today I will look at life with fresh eyes and discover the wonder of it; I will know that as I give to the world so the world will give to me.
Now we return you to your regularly scheduled program.
3 for 13. I have been on my new eating regime (not = diet) for 3 full weeks. Sorry that I missed posting last week about my week 3 experiences but life just took over. After 3 full weeks I am down 13 pounds. That's an average of just over 4 pounds per week. If I keep up this pace after my first 6 week experiment I should be down 26 pounds or just over 200 lbs total. I would be very happy with that. But I wonder if I am starting to plateau a bit in the weigh loss area. I lost 5 lbs in each of the first 2 weeks but this past week I only lost 2.6 lbs. Its natural that weight will come off quickly in the beginning, there will be a plateau and then start coming off again. Well, only time will tell. I just need to keep eating clean and let "nature" take it course.
I was a little bad over the weekend
too which probably helped contribute to not as much weight loss. Saturday night was poker night and just like one of Pavlov's Dogs I equate beer with poker. So I had beer while I played poker. The unfortunate thing is that I had a few more beers than I had intended. Not to the point of being inebriated (can't play good poker when mentally incapacitated) but enough to hit my diet somewhat. And this weekend is going to be real challenging as I am out of town working a car race for 3 days and I will have to rely on mainly the food they serve us. I will pack as much fresh fruit as I can which should help.After 3 weeks I can say that eating an almost completely raw foods vegan diet has been very easy, much easier than I expected. I helps that I like salad and I add a lot of different things to my salads so they are not boring. Its funny though that I never realized how much meat really plays into the American diet. There have been several times that we have been out, away from the house, so I have had to find food at restaurants. Let me tell you, there is little to no vegetarian meals on most restaurant menus. Let's see, I can have chicken, burger, shrimp, fish, turkey, burger, chicken, fish, shrimp, or a house salad.
Speaking of having to eat out, yesterday I left my lunch sitting on the counter top at home so I had to buy lunch. I work in downtown Washington, DC and we are lucky to have a salad place called Chop'T. I went there and got their Vegetarian Powerhouse. $8.57! $8.57 for some lettuce, sliced apples and crasians. My god, the mark up they are making on that must be incredible. Now I see why Americans eat fast food. Its cheap. I can go to McDonalds and get a burger, fries and a soda for $4.00. When we are encouraged economically to eat like this its now wonder we have obesity problems in the US.
Tale of the Tape
Gonna have to post two weeks worth of measurements but you already know how I've done.
End of Week 2
weight - 218 (down 5.2lbs from the previous week)
fat% - 31.6 (down to 68.8lbs of fat)
BMI dropped to 27 (goal is under 24)
End of Week 3
weight - 215.4 (down 2.6lbs from the previous week)
fat% - 29.9 (down to 64.4lbs of fat)
BMI remained at 27 (goal is under 24)
Just For Today I will look at life with fresh eyes and discover the wonder of it; I will know that as I give to the world so the world will give to me.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Week One in the Books
One week down...a life time to go. Just finished my first week of the new healthier me. Its been a good week and a successful one. It was also a very busy week which was a good challenge for my new program but I was able to stay on course (Yeah Me!).
Diet
I have stuck almost exclusively to the raw foods way of eating. The one exception was the soft pretzel I had at the NASCAR race Saturday night. I was hungry and they did not sell anything at the concession stand that would fit in my diet. I figured the pretzel was better than the mound of french fries. BTW, $4 for a soft pretzel? That's highway robbery.
Actually
the eating part has been a lot easier than I expected. I am eating a ton of salad. I am literally pooping weeds (is it a sign of getting old when you start discussing your bowel movements?). Haven't found any four leaf clovers yet though.
Salads, nuts and fresh fruit, its been very easy to stick with the eating plan. Its also a lot less expensive way to eat. Take meat and alcohol out of your diet and watch your grocery (and dining) bill plummet. And I actually like the food. Today's lunch salad consists of romaine lettuce, collard greens, mushrooms, green pepper, onion, celery and chik peas (garbanzo beans). Top it off with a little lemon juice. Doesn't that sound yummy? I am actually looking forward to lunch.
What's strange is that I have not had any cravings for a particular food (thought I would be jonesing for pizza) but I have really craved salt. And that is weird for me. I never thought of myself as a salt person (do not use extra salt on any foods, haven't since i was in high school). And I never eat that much chips or other salty foods. I wonder if I was getting a lot of sodium with my beer?
Exercise
As I mentioned in a previous post my first 6 weeks are going to be devoid of exercise. I want to run a small experiment and see how my body adjusts to just a change in eating habits. During the second 6 weeks I will incorporate a Body-For-Life like exercise program. I think it will be interesting to see what my body does each of those periods. I know a lot of the early weight loss is the easiest but we'll see.
Beer and Smokes
NONE. YES! I knew if I cut out the beer the smokes would follow as I only smoked when I drank. I am happy to say that this week I made it through bowling night, a NASCAR race and pool night and never once touched a beer. That was a tough week for me. All three of those activities usually went hand-in-hand with beer so I had the whole Pavlov's dogs thing going on. But believe it or not I never really had the hard urge. Very glad about this.
Tale of the Tape
Its been a good week but I realize most of this was probably water weight and that I will not see this type of typical weight loss from week to week.
weight - 223.2 (down exactly 5lbs)
fat% - 31.8 (down to 70.9 lbs of fat)
BMI dropped to 28 (goal is under 24)
Just for today I will live one day only, forgetting yesterday and tomorrow, and not trying to solve the whole problem of life at once.
Diet
I have stuck almost exclusively to the raw foods way of eating. The one exception was the soft pretzel I had at the NASCAR race Saturday night. I was hungry and they did not sell anything at the concession stand that would fit in my diet. I figured the pretzel was better than the mound of french fries. BTW, $4 for a soft pretzel? That's highway robbery.
Actually
the eating part has been a lot easier than I expected. I am eating a ton of salad. I am literally pooping weeds (is it a sign of getting old when you start discussing your bowel movements?). Haven't found any four leaf clovers yet though.Salads, nuts and fresh fruit, its been very easy to stick with the eating plan. Its also a lot less expensive way to eat. Take meat and alcohol out of your diet and watch your grocery (and dining) bill plummet. And I actually like the food. Today's lunch salad consists of romaine lettuce, collard greens, mushrooms, green pepper, onion, celery and chik peas (garbanzo beans). Top it off with a little lemon juice. Doesn't that sound yummy? I am actually looking forward to lunch.
What's strange is that I have not had any cravings for a particular food (thought I would be jonesing for pizza) but I have really craved salt. And that is weird for me. I never thought of myself as a salt person (do not use extra salt on any foods, haven't since i was in high school). And I never eat that much chips or other salty foods. I wonder if I was getting a lot of sodium with my beer?
Exercise
As I mentioned in a previous post my first 6 weeks are going to be devoid of exercise. I want to run a small experiment and see how my body adjusts to just a change in eating habits. During the second 6 weeks I will incorporate a Body-For-Life like exercise program. I think it will be interesting to see what my body does each of those periods. I know a lot of the early weight loss is the easiest but we'll see.
Beer and Smokes
NONE. YES! I knew if I cut out the beer the smokes would follow as I only smoked when I drank. I am happy to say that this week I made it through bowling night, a NASCAR race and pool night and never once touched a beer. That was a tough week for me. All three of those activities usually went hand-in-hand with beer so I had the whole Pavlov's dogs thing going on. But believe it or not I never really had the hard urge. Very glad about this.
Tale of the Tape
Its been a good week but I realize most of this was probably water weight and that I will not see this type of typical weight loss from week to week.
weight - 223.2 (down exactly 5lbs)
fat% - 31.8 (down to 70.9 lbs of fat)
BMI dropped to 28 (goal is under 24)
Just for today I will live one day only, forgetting yesterday and tomorrow, and not trying to solve the whole problem of life at once.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Celebrate small successes
When there is a mountain to climb you start by putting one foot in front of the other. Rarely do you leap to the peak. So today I celebrate the small success I had yesterday. Yes, it was only the first day of the journey to a healthier me but..I ate well and was not tempted by the evil god of BEER. And to top it all off, down 3 lbs. I know from doing similar weight reduction plans in the past many of the lbs lost in the first few weeks are purely water weight but..celebrate small successes.
Today is a new day and I will eat well, stay away from BEER and generally feel good about what I am accomplishing.
BTW, as an experiment, I have decided not to start an exercise program for the first 6 weeks of my journey. I want to see how just a change in diet (remember I am on mostly a raw, whole foods eating plan) affects my body. Until tomorrow..celebrate small successes.
"Just For Today I will have a plan. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have one. It will save me from worry, hurry and indecision."
Today is a new day and I will eat well, stay away from BEER and generally feel good about what I am accomplishing.
BTW, as an experiment, I have decided not to start an exercise program for the first 6 weeks of my journey. I want to see how just a change in diet (remember I am on mostly a raw, whole foods eating plan) affects my body. Until tomorrow..celebrate small successes.
"Just For Today I will have a plan. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have one. It will save me from worry, hurry and indecision."
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